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Steve Carell: Andy

The 40 Year Old Virgin Script taken from a transcript of the screenplay and/or the Steve Carell movie. 18 Jun paul rudd 40 year old virgin An "overweight" Paul Rudd in the film's speed-dating sequence. Universal Pictures "Paul went on a diet. He literally stopped eating," Mann said. "If you look at Paul Rudd in the speed-dating sequence compared to the rest, he's, like, ten pounds heavier. Then in the rest of the. Jill: [holds up Jay's card] Is this yours? Did you write this stuff? Jay: My girlfriend Jill found *your* speed dating card. [raises his eyebrows]. Andy Stitzer: [Covering ] Oh! Yeah right. God, I've been looking for that speed dating card. Thank you so much for bringing it to me. Jill: So you actually wrote that one girl looked like.

Sign in with Facebook Other Sign in options. Hey Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. Not eveybody's a pussy magnet. You, uh, what are you, 25? Holy shit, man, you got to get on that! Are you looking for something? Is there something I should be looking for? We have a lot of books, so maybe it depends on what you like. What, um, what do you like? We have a great section of do-it-yourself. Do you like to do it yourself? How is the mood striking you now?

I work with him and that's it! Get Known if you don't have an account. No, no, he don't need no help! What if she laughs at me?

Don't tell on me, okay Andy? Did you write this stuff? God, I've been looking for that speed dating card. Thank you so much for bringing it to me. So you actually wrote that one girl looked like she was "hurtin' for a squirtin'"? Yeah, I wrote that.

What did I do? How is the mood striking you now? Nastiest shit you've ever done? When I came upon her, she was unattended.

Oh, so you wrote, "ho fo' sho'". She was a ho You are never going to meet anyone with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch! Who the fuck are you to put me on trial?

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I've never even met you. So why don't you back the shit off, all right? And stop with the inquisition. That's how you talk? I don't have to answer to you, you ain't my bitch! Know what I sayin'? I don't hang out with him! I work with him and that's it! I tried to introduce him to a few nice people, he made a fool of himself.

I don't mess with him, baby. You should keep your ho on a leash.

'The 40-Year-Old Virgin' was shut down 2 days into production for a ridiculous reason

Oh, bro, I can't let you talk I can't let you be talking to my woman that way, dawg. Bitch's running wild, man. You know how when you grab a woman's breast This shit just got real! What are you gonna do, bitch? I'll tell you what. You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th? You ever heard of rolling twenties, nigga? Since I was sixteen, nigga, I'm saying "frosty. We fucked dwarves in the ass!

Nigga, this dwarf here don't got to be tall to pull a trigger off in somebody face! Welcome to Smart Tech. What can I help you with? Yeah, nigga, we will both mash you! Hey, how can we help you, sir? No, no, he don't need no help! He's already been served. He's taken care of. He's a little slow, but he got it. See, what he thought was he can come up here and make the rules.

But now, he see that Jay make the rules at Smart Tech, that I run this bitch, and now he 'bout to bounce! Yeah, nigga, that's my boy. We rep the same Smart Tech. Both ya'll niggas gonna get clapped up when I get back.

What did I do?

The 40 Year Old Virgin Cast and Crew | TV Guide

It don't fucking matter! Yeah, well, aim high, Willis. Life is about people. It's all about connections. It's not read more cocks, and ass, and tits. It's not about butthole pleasures at all. It's not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez.

And these cincinatti bowties, and these pussy juice cocktail, and these shit stained balls. Mooj, just please stop. Oh, man, I had a weekend. We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show.

Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and You think "A woman fuckin' a horse" and you get there and It was really giving it to her. And you know what?

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To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her. I kinda felt bad for the horse!

40 Year Old Virgin Speed Dating Card

So what about you? What did you get link to? You know, I just kinda hung out. Oh man, Friday, I really wanted an egg salad sandwich and I 40 Year Old Virgin Speed Dating Card just obsessing about it and I was like, 'Man, I'm gonna make one of those. And then, by the this web page I was done, I didn't really feel like like eating it. And I didn't have any bread.

So you know, it was pretty good. It was a good weekend. Yeah, it was fine. She had hands as big as Andre the Giant's, and she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls. Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse.

Let's see, there are things like body rubbing or dry humping. You could dry hump. Play with a friend. Is that a serious question? Take your porn with you. I'm not taking it. It's my gift to you. No, I don't want it.

No no no, just- Come on man!